The Start of Something New

I’ve been walking the same road for several years. My road is unique. Whenever I reach one end, I hit a brick wall. So, instead of trying to break through it or climb over it, I turn around and start walking the other way.

Every day is the same. I log on to work, and I log off of work. I play a video game, watch TV, eat dinner, and go to bed. Then, I get up in the morning and do it all over again. I rarely leave my home. On most days, the monotony keeps my mind wandering. It also helps me to forget about the walls. It whispers, “Be happy with what you’re doing. Don’t try to be better. It’s too hard. Ignore your potential, and be content with what you have.” And I forget.

But sometimes I break out of that fog. I get the notion that I can break down that wall or hurdle that wall the next time I reach it. I start to believe that I can change my journey. A spark goes off, and I’m energized with creativity. Then, just as I reach the wall, I wilt. The spark extinguishes like the last gasp of a campfire in a rainstorm. It’s too hard or I’ll do it later always win out.

Later is slipping from my grasp more and more every day. How many next times do I still have? I freed myself from the prison of a 10-year, abusive relationship in October 2022. After that, I just stopped. I wrapped myself in soft blankets, podcasts, video games, and family love. I said, “This is enough,” so I could get through the pain and break the cycle.

Now that I’m healing, this is no longer enough. I’m so tired, but I’m running out of time. I need to find that spark, flare it into a bonfire, and break through my brick cocoon so I can move forward with my life.

All that to say — I’m starting a new blog. It’s just my daily thoughts, rants, and maybe a poem here or there. I also may throw out the random book review, if for no other reason than to make myself read more. Writers need to be readers to draw inspiration.

That’s all for now. I’m glad to be back.